THE STEAMY, Vol. 2.1 - New release from Charlie Novak, Finding Finn
Dearest Reader,
Welcome to The Steamy, and dang, I had fun with this one so I hope you do too. Before diving into the review, I thought I’d start with a few level-setting thoughts on what we’re doing here. Basically, I’d like this newsletter to explore the intersection of romance writing and queerness and sex and culture, and spend some time just waaaay overthinking the shit out of all if it, with joyful abandon. I hope that’s your jam too.
When it comes to talking about sex in romance and erotic writing, I think it’s worth noting that there’s a difference between the analytical discussion we’re having here versus what the original author is doing (writing sex as component of a story, which typically serves the related purposes of being hot 🔥 and also showing something about the relationship between the characters). I’ll be poking my metaphorical pen into the ways that sex is operating in the story and how that’s in dialogue with culture and so forth, which all sounds very high-minded, but it will also be explicit. Because the best and most interesting way to talk about the cultural hang-ups and issues around sex is to actually, you know, talk about sex.
In case you need to hear this: It's ok to read about sex that you're not interested in having. It's also ok to skip those bits and read around them. It’s ok to pass on a book that includes sexual relationships you’re not interested in. It’s also ok to read about sexual relationships that you’re curious about, just for the sake of curiosity.
A lot of people find the process of discovering their own interests or kinks to go something like, “What practice is that? Why on earth would someone do that? How would that even work?? Oh, that’s … actually yeah. Ok, I get it. Where can I find more of that?” This is absolutely as true for straight people as for queer people. Sex positivity is for everyone.
I’m also working on some discussion of “sapio-whatsit? what?” and the terms sapiosexual vs. noetisexual — likely coming Thursday.
But for now, the book review:
New Release: In this inaugural edition of The Steamy, as promised we’re talking about Finding Finn by Charlie Novak. To refresh, this is a contemporary m/m romance featuring a friends-to-lovers story between two self-identified nerds. Finn is a 28-year-old voice actor and professional narrator, and he also runs a super secret side hustle recording audio porn. Gem is a 36-year-old game-designer who is coming to grips with his lack of hot-ticket viral success and who turns to opening a game shop; it also just so happens that he subscribes to Finn’s porn channel, totally unaware that it’s Finn.
The story starts with Gem’s dickhead ex getting shown the door and with Gem’s current boss suggesting that he ought to open a game store. Again, “Finn helps Gem open a game shop” pretty much covers the plot in terms of external action. Meanwhile the relational arc goes from best friends, to let-me-help-you-blow-off-some-steam friends-with-benefits, to committed relationship. And the sex part of that story arc is very much centered in the characters’ shared praise-domination kink, with Finn transforming from Shy Super Nerd to Confident Masterful Dom every time things take a sexy turn, and Gem soaking up that attention and taking pleasure in pleasing.
I think there’s a little bit of unevenness in how those relational dynamics are set up. They’ve known each other for about a year; they describe each other as best friends; but at other points Finn describes his friend Chantelle as his best friend. And we’re not splitting heart necklaces on the playground here, so I suppose a person can have multiple best friends, but there’s never any qualifier like “my best friend from uni” versus “best friend in town.” It was a small thing but had a Chekov’s gun effect, in that left me a little uncertain in the first part of the book whether this was intended to set up some conflict in the primacy of those friendships. (Which: nope, not at all.)
Also, Finn and Gem’s friendship is repeatedly characterized by being especially comfortable with each other, understanding each other in a way that no one else does; but at the same time neither of them has any inkling of hope that the other is going to return their affection or have interest in something more. They both think the other is gorgeous, but neither accepts that other other thinks so. They have this extremely close friendship, but also Finn never told Gem that he thought his ex-boyfriend was a tool. (Or, less aggressively, checked in on whether Gem was happy in that relationship because it didn’t really seem like it. Like, “he’s a tool,” but make it classy.) And people are contradictory, ok.
But then it takes a hairpin turn when they launch into a sexual relationship with a high level of dirty talk and strong domination / submission dynamic, which is a dynamic that demands a high degree of open communication on both sides. And I’ll note that this is done in an extremely sex-positive way that does a nice job of modeling how to have an open, candid conversation about preferences and boundaries. Yet it’s a bit of a head trip to go from all the super shy / unconfident internal self-talk to, for instance, Finn asking Gem directly to tell him his deepest desires, and Gem responding:
“Okay, I like praise and dirty talk. I like being edged, even though I mostly do it to myself. I like getting fucked, but I also like fucking someone. I like being rimmed. I like being told what to do and being given the illusion of choice, but I also love giving someone pleasure, especially if they tell me what they want. I don’t mind having my orgasms restricted, but I’ve only ever done that to myself, so I’m not sure how I’d feel about it with a partner. I like toys too. Mostly, like, dildos and plugs and cock rings. In terms of things I don’t like … no bodily fluids except cum, no surprises, and I’m not great with pain. I’d prefer nothing more than gentle spanking, and I don’t think I’d ever be into being punished. I just want this to be fun.”1
If you are looking to prepare an elevator speech on your own preferences, or maybe if you’re looking for a cheat sheet for the next time you play “Never have I ever,” this could be a great rubric to start from, yeah? It is a detailed answer. The above is an exact quote, so this reads with no pauses or interruptions except for that one pause-and-reflect after “things I don’t like.” If you read this out loud at a normal speaking pace, it takes nearly a minute, which is a long answer within the context of a conversation.
So there are these intermittent examples of highly intimate, personally revealing communication being openly shared; and then a few pages later the characters go back to absolutely failing to communicate in their hand-wringing about how the other can’t possibly be interested in a real relationship.
The thing is, I think ultimately this does come together2 in the manner of the Inevitable Overdramatic Blow-up and its fairly prompt resolution. I would have been extremely annoyed if it had turned into a “four months later, they still hadn’t spoken” kind of scenario, but instead the blower-upper realizes he overreacted and goes to the other to apologize and have an open conversation within like a day. And they own up to and work through their shit, and they move forward. Boom.
I did wonder, perhaps belatedly, if the fact that the characters both lean hard into their nerd identity was supposed to color their lack of relationship confidence? But I don’t really see that as what was going on; I think the characters’ confidence issues had to do more with their own past relationships, and for Gem, also struggling with his feelings about his lack of success as a game designer. As a nerd myself whose life is positively lush with fellow nerds, I don’t necessarily associate nerd-hood with lack of confidence, particularly in the context of inter-nerd relations or with nerds operating on their home territory. And I do think we see that with both Finn and Gem. Finn is shy with people but confident in his work; Gem, confident in his knowledge of games and in the way he works with customers; and both highly confident in their expression of their clear, known desires.
I guess maybe this is a story about how it can be easier to honestly communicate your feelings about personal success and failures, shared projects and enthusiasms, and—if you are wise and bold—sexual proclivities. Yet in the same relationship it can still be hard to be deal with feelings that might backfire in personal rejection if not returned. That checks out.
Also, hat tip to solid nerd dialogue and references—both in things like the name-dropping of games Gem has in his store, and in the assorted little bits of conversation around business planning and market research and such. For instance, early on Finn makes a suggestion for how to go about doing a little informal market research on what local customers might want from a new game store, and it is 100% solid good advice:
“You know,” Finn said, picking at the last crumbs of his chocolate orange cake. “If you wanted to do some market research, you could build a quick Google form and ask Jay to share it on The Lost World’s social media. And you could ask people who attend the board game nights to fill it in too. Maybe take your laptop with you so people can do it then and there rather than hoping they’ll remember when they get home. Even just having a hundred responses would be good, and you could include the data in your plan. Plus, if the respondents are people who already attend the board game nights, you’ll know they’re local to the area and thus more likely to be potential customers.”3
I think this is kind of gorgeous. It’s such an intelligent and lucid piece of competent advice, neatly dropped into the story like, oh, like a bud vase on a breakfast tray. Like, this was already nice, and then you add this little touch. This isn’t just a vague nod in the direction of “You should do some market research” — I’d bet that this is written from personal knowledge and experience, and if not, then the author did some damn fine research.
Overall, I enjoyed this book. I’m not big on assigning ratings on a scale, but I would rate this as “glad I read it, definitely possible that I’ll re-read it at some point.” Also, this would be a good read if you are working on your dirty talk and looking for inspiration, or if you are interested in examples of gentle domination and praise kink. (That’s “gentle domination” in the sense of, “Ah, you are so beautiful when I fuck your face.” Not a pull quote, but that’s the gist.)
Thanks for reading! If there are any books you’d like to see reviewed, or words / concepts / issues you’d like to see more discussion on, please let me know in the comments — would love to take your suggestions.
Also, I’m toying with also doing an audio recording of the newsletter, as a matter of accessibility and for those who just might prefer it. Let me know in the comments if that’s something you’d be interested in.
With love,
Beas
Page 105. (For the detail-oriented, yes, this is a block quote, but it’s also dialogue, so I included the quotation marks, even though putting quotes around a block quote is giving me a seasick feeling. But dammit, I am not going to spend an hour reading competing style manuals and best-practice guidance on dialogue in block quotes. I will just add this as one more example for the Weird and Fucky Block Quotes Drinking Game that lives in the back of my head.)
Heh heh, “come together.” Well, that happens too, obviously.
Page 49.